And How Can They Differ?
What are Direct Cremations?
Direct Cremations (and how they can differ)
It is often unclear as to what direct cremations are. In the recent past they have been ‘sold’ via infomercials, largely on daytime TV, by large corporations as ‘solutions’ that are ‘fuss free’ and prevent you from being ‘a burden’ to your family when you die.
The commercials invariably left out the key point, or at best played it down.
So, what are direct cremations? Simply put, they are cremations without a service and, more importantly, without any mourners in attendance.
The person who has died is collected and kept in a mortuary until the day of the cremation when the coffin is taken to the crematorium without any mourners present.
The direct cremations take place in the early morning in the time slots which are less popular with those opting for an attended cremation.
There are two distinct types of direct cremation
Direct Cremations and Plans through National organisations
As mentioned above, and I’m sure you, will have seen, glossy, emotionally stimulating adverts on TV from large, national companies. They talk about how you can avoid ‘being a burden’ to your family
What they don’t tell you:
- You will probably be collected by van along with other people who have died.
- You will be transported to a warehouse style mortuary that is unlikely to be near home.
- You will not necessarily know where your person is.
- You are unlikely to be able to visit (view).
- You will not know when the cremation is taking place.
- The ashes will be delivered to the next of kin by post (often) without warning.
To be fair, they are getting better in that they have begun recognising the issue with the word ‘burden’. They are also acknowledging the potential need for those grieving to have some sort of ritual, gathering, or process. More recent adverts talk about how families are, instead, able to focus on a memorial in a more meaningful way.
Direct Cremations and Plans with your Local Funeral Director
If you use a local firm, whilst there will still be no service at the crematorium, you will have far more control.
- The person will be collected by your funeral director in their vehicle and taken to their local mortuary.
- You will know where they are; you can arrange a visit.
- You will know when and where the cremation is taking place.
- It will be at a local crematorium to you.
- You will be able to be there to wave your person off as they are chauffeured away.
- you may even be able to be present at the crematorium although only outside meaning you can see them being respectfully taken in.
- Your local funeral director will hold the ashes until you are ready to collect
- Most local funeral directors are excellent at providing personal support and they also provide funeral plans and direct cremation options. Most independent firms (family run, community-based funeral directors) do this, but the ‘big boys’ with their massive advertising budgets tend to give the impression that only they offer this sort of thing. So, don’t be afraid to call or drop in on your local service providers, they will usually be willing to answer all your questions without any pressure selling and will be able to advise you on how to set things up if you choose to.
You will also realise that their prices are comparable with the big firms, and their services as extensive, yet they are far more approachable, accessible and in tune with your personal needs.
The exception to the above is Attended Direct Cremations
An Attended Direct Cremation is usually a simply, dignified 10-minute alternative to traditional funeral services. It is basically the committal part of a funeral service where a piece of music may be played, a few words of committal spoken and the curtains, closed.
A significant yet simple ritual to help with closure, acceptance and moving forward alongside your loss and grief.
Attendee numbers tend to be limited to close family.
And that’s all fine…
My main comment on these is, if it’s right for you, then it’s right for you.
But, make sure your next of kin are aware of your choice and discuss, or give them permission, to do whatever else they need to begin processing the loss of you. Let them do things that will help them process their grief such as have a wake, a memorial, a scattering of ashes, a celebration of your life, a recognition of your impact and acknowledgement of your absence.
Without the conversation, families often feel guilty doing anything, as you have chosen ‘nothing’ or ‘no fuss’. When their needs are not met, it makes processing their grief even harder.
Who Am I? I’m Bernice Benton, an Inclusive, Independent Funeral Celebrant, an End-of-Life Doula, a podcast host offering ‘Gentle Conversations’ and ‘Ask A Celebrant’ and author of the guidebook ‘My Life, My Death, My Wishes.’
Based in Mid Wales, UK, my mission is to engage people in conversation, expand choice and aid planning around, dying, death and legacy
Website: www.mylifemydeathmywishes.uk
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@bernib_full_life/podcasts
E-Mail : info@bernib.co.uk
