One day I was daydreaming at a creative writing workshop, and I dreamt I was elderly, sitting in a chair looking out to sea. My life was closing down but continuing to diminish. A phrase came into my mind. ‘The 80 And Out Club’.
I have always dreaded the idea of being in a state of infirmity, especially with a long chronic illness or dementia in a nursing home. Last December, we made the decision to euthanise our beautiful 16-year-old dog, Tati. She was in pain and discomfort, not getting much out of life. We were able to be with her and her death was peaceful, beautiful, full of love and tears.
I don’t see why we can’t be released, if we so choose, when we have gone beyond a life that fulfils us. I feel there is no point in soaking up NHS resources, money for nursing homes which could go to the next generation, heating energy, people’s time, to be in a kind of half-life you don’t really want to be in. It can be sad for others to see their people like this, unhappy, diminished. We could make part of our legacy to leave these resources for the next generations.
I want to stress that I know there are many 80 plusses leading fulfilling and enjoyable lives and that is fine. But there are also many just existing and being kept alive almost for the sake of it, from a dread of death shown by our society. How we feel about death is a very individual thing and I respect whatever choices people make. To make a choice, we need to make a pre-choice, to think about this and be prepared, let others know our wishes should something happen to us we can’t control.
For me ’80 and out’ makes sense. I am currently 66. Of course, I may not make it that far. I have lived through one of the most privileged eras, a time, for the most part, of prosperity and peace. I have had and am having a wonderful life. I don’t see a need to be greedy. There are too many people in the world of the high resource type, soaking up probably 10-50 times the resources of people in poor, less developed countries, and on the other side pumping out a similar high proportion of greenhouse gases. We should leave something for the next generation. We should diminish our influence.
I believe people of 60+ should get a 50% vote, so that the choices of the younger generations are primary. This would have avoided Brexit and probably this Conservative government.
When I thought of making an’ Advance Decision or Statement’, it all sounded a bit daunting and heavy. I love poetry, so I wrote mine in rhyme (OK I know this is not exactly Keats!). One asterisked point would trigger DNR or assisted dying, or 3 of the others.
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DNR – if an * or 3 or more others apply
If I no longer recognise my wife and daughter*
Or can no longer swim free in cold water.
If I am racked with continuous pain*
Or need a stomer bag, catheter and drain.
If I can’t comprehend what I read
Or of others be in constant need.
If chemotherapy is making me sicker
Or all I can do is to make my eyes flicker*.
If I stare vacantly, dribble and drool*
Or life seems a bore, low quality, cruel.
If I’m unable to keep myself clean
Or become emaciatedly lean.
If I am in an 80% incurable state
And past my eightieth birthday date*.
If I can no longer know for sure who I am*
Or curse my condition and don’t give a damn.
If I need a machine to keep me alive
Don’t intervene and make me revive.
If I complain and spend all day with a frown*
Be kind, DNR, put me mercifully down.
Simon Smith
This may seem whimsical but it is meant seriously. The conditions I am thinking about are dementia /Alzheimers, incurable cancer, locked in syndrome/coma, severe lung or heart disease, acute and constant pain, immobility, needing to be cared for constantly, especially in a nursing home. Also, I believe that taking resources for an unsatisfying life is detrimental to future generations. If I no longer have control and the ability to take my own life, I request that I am assisted to die and that life lengthening medical procedures such as operations, resuscitation and antibiotics are not used.
Signed:
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For me, this works. Whether or not I feel the same when I reach 80 I cannot be sure, but I hope I will remember to give this serious consideration. The value of a life is not in its length. Generally, it adheres to the law of diminishing returns. We reach a state of inevitable entropy.
To request assisted dying is a way to take your own life. I have read books and articles on suicide that give a main cause as the feeling of a lack of choice, of not being able to see any way of changing a bleak looking future.
My first wife Susie suffered from depression and decided to take her own life 25 years ago at the age of 42. I went to a concert with her on Thursday. She stayed with friends for the Easter weekend, had lunch with another friend on Monday, was dressed to go to a party in the evening but decided not to go, not to go anywhere ever again. She knew I would be coming by with the dog we still shared at about 9.30pm. She had made an attempt to die before. Having separated from her 18 months previously I felt searing guilt. What if we had stayed together? After a couple of years of therapy, I had to come to the conclusion that this was her decision and her decision should be respected.
A lack of choice and agency is what makes me consider taking my own life at some point in the future. It is not to deny the validity or wisdom of old people. The whole ‘assisted dying movement’ is about agency, feeling we have the right to control our own bodies and lives. Those who believe in God may think differently. I remember a TV producer whose family wanted his name and dates on his churchyard gravestone to have a statement below, ‘Produced by Bob Smith’. The church refused. According to them our lives are produced by God (and therefore we should wait for God to end them). That is their opinion.
Simon Smith
If you would like to reply to me about this article, please email supersils145@gmail.com
