For decades, one of my friends has set himself a single task for New Year’s Day.
It is – to draw up a spreadsheet for the coming year.
His budget is on there as are birthdates, appointments and social events already organised. But so too are his goals for the year, along with the steps needed to achieve.
It’s a splendid focusing of the mind on the future, one that I only dream of undertaking as I dawdle through the day after the night before.
But, as we move into 2023, I do wonder what a spreadsheet for the funeral sector would look like.
For those working in the sector, I like to think our single goal is constantly to improve our service to bereaved families and we should always be thinking of new ways to do that.
But those using companies in the sector have a responsibility too.
Here’s what I’d like to see in the coming year.
Everyone in the funeral sector works together to bring more information and more choice to the people who need us.
Organisations such as my own, the Institute of Civil Funerals (IoCF), as well as the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) and the Institute of Cemetery and Crematorium Management (ICCM) – there are others – each does what it can to ensure our individual members provide the best service possible.
But we could do more together to help people understand what that ‘best service’ can look like.
There are very good outlets, such as Farewells, that provide information for families to understand the process and possibilities of arranging a funeral. But many of them come from people who do not work in the funeral sector itself. As a result, they may be well-meaning but flawed through lack of knowledge.
Liaison between funeral sector organisations and the cross-seeding of ideas, can only benefit both the organisations and the families in our care.
Each of us takes responsibility for our own end-of-life
Whether you want to think about it or not, the only certainty in life is that, at some point, someone, somewhere will need to care for your body.
You can make it difficult for those you leave behind by leaving no instructions. Or you can make it easy by letting them know your wishes. Your family will be grief-stricken – don’t you want to make it as easy as possible for them?
Even basic details will help. Do you want to be cremated or buried? Do you have a preferred location for the cremation or burial? Have you jotted down the highlights of your life story to help your family prepare the ceremony?
This is completely different to buying a funeral plan – it’s a personalised guide that helps your family create a unique ceremony by which to remember you.
You can add as many details as you like. It would certainly help to research the officiant for your funeral ceremony using a specialist search such as IoCF’s ‘Find A Celebrant’. Your choice will set the tone for the whole ceremony. You could even speak with the celebrant yourself to start planning the funeral.
You could also research funeral directors. They are all different and you can only understand those differences by going in and having a chat with a few different options.
More venues open their doors to funerals
Venues welcome you with open arms for the reception following the funeral ceremony. But what about opening their doors to the funeral ceremony itself? What about making it possible for you to say farewell in beautiful surroundings then move seamlessly to the post-ceremony drinks, nibbles and exchange of stories just as wedding venues manage?
Sadly, many venues don’t consider it appropriate to have a coffin on their premises. Some cite hygiene as a reason, even though you’re more likely to fall ill from someone at the funeral sneezing than from the body itself.
Others are afraid of what other customers might think.
It’s not so long ago in this country that there used to be feasting around the body. Some countries still do it.
Eating and drinking is one of the ways we show our enjoyment of being in the company of others. Wouldn’t it be good to make the funeral the last meal you share with your loved one?
A clamp-down on aggressive selling and scaremongering around funerals.
End of life management is expensive. You want to be sure that your loved one’s body is cared for in clean, respectful conditions at the funeral director’s. You want to know that they are looked after to the very end at the crematorium. You may find comfort in the ritual of a shining black hearse, a beautifully suited funeral director, a lovely display of flowers.
To be basic, the equipment required ‘back of house’ doesn’t come cheap and the staff needed to provide those rituals all need to be paid.
Yet there are still advertisements that suggest funeral directors are overcharging the public. There are still advertisements that misrepresent how a funeral can be conducted. For some members of the public, advertising is the only information they see about the funerals. They deserve to have information that is factual and correct at all times.
I haven’t gone so far as to draw up my spreadsheet for 2023, although I have already taken the responsibility of letting my family know what I would like for my funeral. Perhaps surprisingly, I found it at least as comforting as they did.
And there are other plans afoot. IoCF is discussing best ways to work with and support other organisations. Many IoCF celebrants are actively approaching venues with a view to holding full funerals on their premises. Concerns are being raised regarding advertising standards.
It seems things have always moved slowly in the funeral sector. But, hopefully, by 2024 we’ll be setting new goals for further improvements.
Sue Flipping
Institute of Civil Funerals
