I’ve been putting of writing this article for weeks now. I knew I wanted to do it; write from a ‘feelings space’ and I didn’t want to feel the enormity of my grief.
Some days I feel as if my whole life has been about holding grief, resolving grief, whether it be something that has happened in the ‘Now’, whether it has been grief from my past or even unresolved grief from my ancestors.
Not Allowed to Feel Grief
I think the western culture doesn’t ‘do’ grief well. We value productivity over feelings. We manage our feelings, not feel them.
Types of Grief
We can have all kinds of grief, the obvious biggies are when someone we love dies, or a beloved pet; a divorce, moving house, job, natural disaster; but we can grief for many other things too, like a missed opportunity, the state of the world, your life not turning our how you had hoped it would. You can even have daily grief; the day not going as you planned.
Unmourned Grief
Grief mounts up if you don’t take space to mourn your loss. Grief can only be put aside for so long and then it pushes to be acknowledged. Unmourned grief will show itself in addictions, depression and anxiety.
We get scared of grief, we think it will overwhelm us if we face it. That it will go on forever. We can think we are crying over spilled milk or are being indulgent. We can go ‘into our heads’ and try to think our way out of it, rationalising it, telling ourselves to be happy. But we run the risk of shutting down our heart if we sidestep grief.
Honouring Grief
What if it is okay to be sad? To honour being sad, to allow space to be sad. To keep our heart open and feel the loss. Even if it is bit by bit. As much as think we can handle.
Grief lets us know that something mattered to us. That something was important. That we Loved. That we were connected. If we take the time to feel the grief, then it will lighten.
‘Healing’ Grief
I don’t think grief can be processed away, through a technique. I think if we are stuck it’s probably because we aren’t feeling the grief, so healing tools are good to get us back into the flow of life. But we can be grieving something even 10 years later, bit by bit, depending on how we faced grief along the way. I don’t think grief can be rushed through so we can be over it.
I have also heard about professional mourners. People you can hire to go to funerals and start people off wailing and crying.
Empaths and Grief
If you’re an empath you can be feeling other people’s grief, alive or deceased, so that is something I have to check for when I’m feeling grief. Whether it is mine or not. But I have to also be mindful if I’m wanting to avoid my grief and want it to be someone else’s. If it is someone else’s grief, I will feel the ‘shift’ in my body when I ask.
My Grief
My oldest friend passed away a week ago. It was very surreal, as she and I had daily contact for 26 years. I can see the stages of grief in myself, the shock, denial, anger, depression, acceptance. But they are scrambled and all over the place. The little things will get me, something will happen and I go to my phone or laptop to tell her about it, and then I realise.
Of course, the mourning isn’t for her, she has moved on with her journey, the mourning is for myself, because I miss my friend and I want the future to look like the past. I don’t know what the future may hold and I don’t like feeling that empty space there. So, I mourn her loss in my life. I can mourn what I think she will miss out on in this lifetime, but I don’t know her future or what is in store to compare whether she is missing out.
Sabotaging Grief
I believe there’s a difference between grief and suffering. We can have survivor guilt if someone we love has died, thinking we should grieve for a certain amount of time, or not be happy because they are not here. This is mostly unconscious behaviour.
We can sabotage ourselves by thinking they didn’t live so we can’t enjoy our life, or swing to the opposite thinking they didn’t live o we have to live for them and exhaust ourselves by living for two people, or not allowing ourselves to be still.
The Body Can Be a Doorway to Unresolved Grief
Unresolved grief pushes to be felt.
Something you might like to try, is to be aware of your breathing, and slow it down, then ask your body if there is anywhere it is holding grief that you haven’t felt. If nothing pops up you can ‘feel into your heart’ and ask your heart the same question.
Kate Strong is an intuitive/healer and specialises in soul healings, the emotion code, body code, cord cutting, past life readings, relationship readings and more.
Article source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Kate_Strong/716433
