The search for meaning when a loved one dies can make the difference in how you cope with your loss and reinvest in life. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, put it this way. “Meaning makes a great many things endurable – perhaps everything.”
Searching for meaning is useless early in your grief; first give yourself time to express emotion and review the relationship. Eventually, make every effort to find meaning in your loss. Here are seven considerations that have provided meaning for others after the death of a loved one, and that may help you in your own search.
Meaning derived from the belief that there is a spirit world. Many people have reported experiences that have convinced them there is a spirit world and an afterlife. The Near-Death-Experience (NDE) has happened to over 8 million people who report going through a tunnel, seeing others who have predeceased them, and a beautiful white light.
Others who were mourning the death of a loved one, have experienced dreams, visions and various synchronistic and symbolic events called Extraordinary Experiences (EEs). These events provided comfort and enough evidence for them to believe their loved ones live on in another existence. This had great influence on the course of their grief work.
Meaning derived from the celebration of the life that was lived. This may include dedications, memorials, carrying on a particular tradition or doing voluntary work in honour of the deceased. Some survivors have started support groups or supported the newly bereaved in their community, depending on their needs.
Means derived from the belief that there is a heaven and a hell. Many people who are grieving find solace in their beliefs that their loved ones are in heaven with God. Also, many embrace the church, where they can pray to their loved ones and ask them to intercede to God for them.
Meaning derived from the belief that there will, some day, be a reunion with the deceased. Those who believe in an afterlife, heaven or receive an EE, are often convinced they will see their loved one again when they die. They have no fear of death and reinvest their energies in their present life.
Meaning derived from the believe that the deceased is whole and healthy in a different existence. Many of the after-death contacts that the bereaved experience show the loved one whole and healthy again. They are grateful that the beloved is no longer in pain.
Obviously, there are many, many more ways that individual mourners find meaning in the death of their loved ones, which helps them integrate their losses into their lives. Much depends on the personal beliefs, nature of the relationship with the deceased and mode of death. The search for meaning is an important part of grief work for most, and it frequently becomes a time when we are open to revising our world views and beliefs about life and death.
Sometimes trying to make sense out of the death seems fruitless. For example, how do you find meaning in the death of a four-month-old child (this happened to me)? I eventually was able to come to terms with it. Still, searching for the cause of the experience and pulling meaning from it with a trusted friend or relative is useful. We need others at this time to be with us when we are in pain. Look for the right person as you try to make sense of your loss.
Dr. LaGrand is a grief counsellor and the author of 8 books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is know world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley Inc.
www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com
