In recent weeks, the news has been filled with reports of Caroline Flack and her desperate decision to end her own life, people pointing fingers, people feeling guilty and confused. A young woman with seemingly everything to live for, and yet, unable to cope with the pressures life had put on her. She isn’t the first celebrity to make such an enormous decision, it happens far more often than we realise…
In 2018, there were 6, 507 suicides registered in the UK, an age-standardised rate of 11.2 deaths per 100 000 population; the latest rate is significantly higher than that in 2017 and represents the first increase since 2013.
Three-quarters of registered deaths in 2018 were among men (4, 903 deaths) which has been the case since the mid-1990s.
The UK male suicide rate of 17.2 deaths per 100 000 represents a significant increase from the rate of 2017; for females, the UK rate was 5.4 deaths per 100 000, consistent with the rates over the past 10 years.
Scotland has the highest suicide rate in GB with 16.1 deaths per 100 000 (784 deaths), followed by Wales with a rate of 12.8 per 100 000 (349 deaths); figures for Northern Ireland will be published later this year by the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency.
Males aged 45-49 had the highest age-specific suicide rate (27.1 deaths per 100 000 males); for females, the age group with the highest rate was also 45-49 years, at 9.2 deaths per 100 000.
Despite having a low number of deaths overall, rates among the under 25s have generally increased in recent years, particularly 10 – 24 year-old females where the rate has increased significantly since 2012 to its highest level with 3.3 deaths per 100 000 females in 2018.
As seen in previous years, the most common method of suicide in the UK was hanging, accounting for 59.4% of all suicides among males and 45% of all suicides among females.
People will think of suicide for different reasons. If someone is exposed to a ‘risk factor’ it needs to be assumed that suicidal thoughts are more like to happen.
A risk factor might include:
- Difficult life events such as traumatic childhood or experiencing physical or emotional abuse.
- Something upsetting or life changing such as a relationship ending or a loved one dying.
- Anger at other people
- Misusing drugs or alcohol
- Living alone or having little social contact with other people
- Having a mental health such as depression, schizophrenia or personality disorder.
- Having a serious physical health condition, especially if this causes pain or serious disability
- Problems with work or money
Why may someone end their life?
There are lots of reasons why someone may want to end their life. Some reasons are;
- Escape what they feel is an impossible situation
- Relieve unbearable thoughts or feelings
- Relieve physical pain or incapacity
What kind of thoughts may someone have?
When someone feels suicidal, they may have some of the thoughts listed below:
- I have let myself and other people down
- I am a burden
- I am a failure
- No one needs me
- No one loves me
- What is the point in living?
- I will never find a way out of this problem
- I have lost everything
- Things never get better for me
- I’ll show them what they have done to me
Some people feel guilty for thinking about suicide if they have people who care about them. This can sometimes make the feelings of despair worse.
Any of the following could be potential warning signs for suicide;
- Excessive sadness or moodiness – long-last sadness, mood swings and unexpected rage.
- Hopelessness – feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.
- Sleep Problems
- Sudden Calmness – Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life.
- Withdrawal – Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.
- Changes in personality and/or appearance – A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behaviour, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about his or her personal appearance.
- Dangerous or self-harmful behaviour – Potentially dangerous behaviour, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex and increased use of drugs and/or alcohol might indicate that the person no longer values his or her life.
- Recent trauma or life crisis – A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, divorce or break-up of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems.
- Making preparations – Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a rope or other means, like poison or over-the-counter drugs.
- Threatening suicide – from 50% – 75% of those considering suicide will give someone – a friend or relative, a warning sign. However, not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow it through. Every threat of suicide should be taken very seriously.
Signs that something is wrong can sometimes be more difficult to spot. Such as cheeriness which may seem fake to you. Or they may joke about their emotions. Such as saying something quite alarming that is disguised as a joke. Don’t ignore your gut feeling if you are concerned about someone. Some people won’t be open about how they are feeling.
A lot of people try to seek help before attempting suicide, by telling other people about their feelings. This could be a professional, friend or family member. If someone tells you about how they are feeling, do not ignore them.
How Can I Help Someone Who Is Feeling Suicidal?
If you think that someone may be feeling suicidal, encourage them to talk about their feelings.
You may feel uncomfortable talking about suicidal feelings, you may not know what to say. This is entirely normal and understandable.
It might help to:
- Let them know you care about them and they are not alone
- Empathise with them. You could say something like “I can’t imagine how painful this is for you, but I would like to try and understand.”
- Be non-judgmental. Don’t criticise or blame them.
- Repeat their words back to them in your own words. This shows that you are listening. Repeating information can also make sure that you have understood them properly.
- Ask about their reasons for living and dying and listen to their answers. Try to explore their reasons for living in more detail.
- Ask if they have felt like this before. If so, ask how their feelings changed last time.
- Reassure them that they will not feel this way forever.
- Encourage them to focus on getting through the day rather than focussing on the future.
- Ask them if they have a plan for ending their life. Ask what the plan is.
- Encourage them to seek help that they are comfortable with. Such as help from a doctor, counsellor or support through a charity such as the Samaritans
- Follow up any commitments that you agree to.
- Make sure someone is with them if they are in immediate danger.
- Try to get professional help for the person feeling suicidal and
- Get support for yourself.
Remember that you don’t need to find an answer, or even to completely understand why they feel the way they do. Listening to what they have to say will at least let them know you care.
- What won’t help someone who is feeling suicidal?
When someone tells you they are feeling suicidal your response may be to: - Try and find an easy solution.
- Tell them to ‘cheer up’, ‘pull themselves together’. ‘man up’ or ‘snap out of it’.
- Change the subject.
- Tell them they have no reason to feel like that.
- Tell them they shouldn’t feel like that.
- Tell them they should be grateful for having a good life.
- Tell them they are being silly.
These responses are unlikely to be helpful. They may make someone feel:
- Rejected
- Unheard
- Alone
- Like ‘no-one understands’.
- Guilty
- Patronised
- Criticised
- Analysed
- Reassurance, respect and support can help someone to recover from a difficult time.
If you feel like you want to die, it is important to tell someone. If there is a friend, someone on the bus, a colleague or family member – share your load with them. After all, they say a problem shared is a problem halved and there is always someone, somewhere who can offer a listening ear. Help and support is available right now if you need it – you don’t have to struggle with difficult feelings alone. There is no right or wrong way to talk about suicidal feelings – starting the conversation is what’s important.
Tips for Coping Right Now
- Try not to think about the future – just focus on getting through today
- Stay away from drink and drugs
- Get yourself to a safe place, like a friend’s house
- Be around other people
- Do something you usually enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it
- Spend time with a pet
- Go to a public place
Phone a Helpline
Samaritans – for everyone
https://www.samaritans.org/
Call 116 123
Email:jo@samaritans.org
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat page
https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/webchat/
Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 4141 Monday –
Friday 10am to 10pm
Weekends 2pm – 10pm
Bank Holidays. 2pm – 5pm
Text: 07860 039967
Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
Childline – for children and young people under 19
https://www.childline.org.uk/
Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill.
Who Else Can You Talk To?
If you find it difficult to talk to someone you know, you could:
Call your GP – ask for an emergency appointment
Call 111 out of hours – they will help you find the support and help you need
Contact your mental health crisis team – if you have one.
Is Your Life in Danger?
If you have seriously harmed yourself – for example, by taking a drug overdose – call 999 for an ambulance or go straight to the nearest A & E department.
Jayne Lea
