Music Plays Such An Important Part at a Funeral

Ever given any thought to what music you would like at your funeral? Would you choose music that was poignant or uplifting, music related to specific events, personality, style or a specific era?

Nowadays, it would appear that anything goes! Pop songs, humour and sporting themes sit alongside traditional hymns and classical choices, a mixture of all genre is acceptable, as is the choice to have no music or even, dare I suggest, a live performance.

I feel that music is the most emotive element of any funeral, even more so than the spoken word, it can portray feelings that can’t be expressed and it can be incredibly cathartic.

Music can be played at cremations, burials, interment or scattering of ashes, memorial services and at a wake or gathering. In more recent years there has been a significant change in the types of music requested which reflects an increasing trend towards people opting to ‘celebrate’ a life rather than ‘mourn’ a death, arguably, hymns are out and contemporary, modern music is in!

Music creates a strong, powerful, and emotional connection with the audience, I would suggest that a deviation from the more traditional choices like ‘The Old Rugged Cross’ or ‘Nimrod’ can set the tone and personalise a ceremony, making it meaningful and unique. ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion, is debatably, the ultimate ballad because it expresses eternal love, it is both sad and beautiful and a poignant reminder that love does go on. ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ by Queen, is an iconic song but one, that possibly brings, an apathetic edge to any funeral, a song that asks ‘are we ready for this’, well, is anybody, ever, truly ready for a funeral? A little inappropriate maybe but a popular choice, never the less.

There are several points during a funeral ceremony at which music can be played. During the procession, the departure and between readings and eulogies. There are no rules and no regulations; Debussy’s ‘Clair de Lune’ would have once seen mourners reaching for their tissues, nowadays, it could well be Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and there is nothing to say that happy songs aren’t appropriate! ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of life’, from Monty Python is usually amongst the top ten when looking at polls.

On the internet you will find multiple sites presenting ideas for funeral music from every genre. Helpful or not they provide infinite possibilities, choices and information. In my experience, finding just the right piece of music can be stressful, difficult, overwhelming and quite a challenge for some people.   A Celebrant, Minister or Funeral Director can always offer help and guidance but ultimately the decision lies with the person(s) organising the funeral, no pressure then!

Planning your own funeral music makes it easier and less stressful for your family.

Top tips for choosing music for a funeral:-

• Look at music the deceased enjoyed, it often reflects who they were and talk to family and friends as they may have different ideas.
• Utilise the internet but proceed with caution,as the information and choices can overwhelm.
• Be mindful of when it is best to play each piece, thus setting the tone of the occasion.
• Review each song, listen to it a few times to ensure the lyrics are appropriate and in context.
• Think about planning your own funeral and making your own choices, let your family and friends know.
• Always remember that there are no rights or wrongs, just what is right for you and your family.
• Never forget that the music chosen will always remind those attending of the funeral.

Article by Carol Anne Waters

Celebrant

This article was orginally published in More to Death, the official magazine to The Natural Death Centre.